Miorry Nobitto

Wow, that was awkward.  Who pooped in Picard’s tea?  Stewart was supposed to present an award to Zoe Saldana, but decided to take the time to attack Corden.  Nothing Stewart said was funny or amusing.  (Jonas Brothers?)

I have to say that Zoe Saldana was the one that came out of the incident looking good (she always looks good).  I liked her belly remark to Corden.  I also liked Corden remark say, “One old man is going home”.

Stewart explained why he behaved in such a dickish manner.  From Trek Today, ((Stewart regrets the incident now, saying that he was “out of control.” “My part of the evening came late,” he said, “and it was alcohol [that prompted the remark], I’m afraid. I went too far, I was somewhat out of control. I have nothing but admiration for Mr. Corden. I still blush in remembrance of it.”))

I personally like Sir Stewart, but damn he was being a total jerk during the video.  If he’s remarks were funny, I think I would have liked his actions. 

Maybe those creatures from the episode “Conspiracy” were controlling his mind. 

10 Minutes Of Staring at Breasts Daily Prolongs Man's Life by 5 Years

WHOLEFITNESS.COM - According to German research published in New England Journal of Medicine, men staring at women's breasts in fact prolong their lives with years. "Just 10 minutes of looking at the charms of a well-endowed females is equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics work-out," said author Dr. Karen Weatherby, a gerontologist. The team led by Weatherby was made up of researchers at three hospitals in Frankfurt, Germany, and found this results after monitoring for 5 years the health of 200 male subjects, half of whom were asked to look at busty females daily, while the other half had to abstain from doing so. For five years, the breasts oglers presented a lower blood pressure, slower resting pulse rates and decreased risk of coronary artery disease. "Sexual excitement gets the heart pumping and improves blood circulation. There's no question: Gazing at large breasts makes men healthier. Our study indicates that engaging in this activity a few minutes daily cuts the risk of stroke and heart attack in half." said Weatherby, who even recommends that men aged over 40 should spend at least 10 minutes daily admiring breasts sized "D-cup" or larger.

Who paid for this study? Because you could've just asked me the question and I would've given you the answer for free. Of course staring at breasts is good for you. It's half the reason women have 'em. Matter of fact, aren't most of us staring at 'em (and drinkin' from 'em) from the get-go?  Boobies - God's gift to men's health! (Now don't leave this page for 10 minutes.)

Is this the year the Patriot's draft and begin to groom Tom Brady's replacement?  If so, I think it's a genius move.  The Pats have 2 first round draft choices this year and there's probably gonna be a rookie salary cap once the lockout is settled.  This is a chance to think long-term without breaking the bank and set up for a future QB who will have a few years to learn as an understudy to the best in the game.  It's the kind of move that could have the Patriots maintain their level of excellence for years to come.  With all the draft picks New England has this year they can afford to make a move for the long haul.  The Hooded Genius strikes again!

The Pats didn't even have to use a first or second round pick to get what lots of people think was first round talent.  This kid is Tom Brady Junior.  Not real fast, no great vertical leap, but he's got the size to see over defensive linemen and he has a canon for an arm.  Best of all, he has a few years to learn the pro game from the best in the business.  The Patriots can take their time and groom this kid to step in when it's time to move on from Brady.  Pure genius move from the HC of the NEP's.  This is why New England will continue to be in the upper echelon of the NFL for years to come.  Well done, Coach.

Non-spoilery-type images from TORCHWOOD: MIRACLE DAY.

It premieres sometime this summer! I'm very excited!


I've been here and there. I've drawn a lot of pictures. I've written a bit, too. I'm not good at this self-promotion thing. Look, you want to know about me? just visit these websites. Okay?
www.mdjacksonart.weebly.com
http://mdjackson.deviantart.com
http://community.imaginefx.com/fxpose/mdjacksons%5Fportfolio

Dance 'til ya drop. Have a great weekend.

Fuckin' right! Take that Saudi Arabia. You're dealin' with large American testicles now. If only one, just one politician had the nads to say this directly to the Prince or the Shiek or the Terrorist or whoever is in charge over there. Balls out, baby. Pay attention!

I dunno, I think she's kinda cute. Maybe a little too easy, just puttin' out for every Tom, Dick and Harry. But who's to say ya couldn't make an honest woman out of her? Doesn't look she nags or talks back or asks too many questions. And she's always down for sex. I think I could make her fall in love with me. If not, just pull the plug on the whole relationship. Bang. Done.

Problem is, I don't think Danny-boy here realizes he's acting. You just know he wants this chick to watch him drop the boys off at the pool. Hey - somebody let Danilo in the joke!

Double punch - Tanzanian drinks to death

THE TELEGRAPH - A TANZANIAN man has died after drinking 25 sachets of a potent moonshine known as "double punch", losing a six-dollar bet with his friends that he could gulp 30 down in one sitting. Moses Kanyange, 37, had been promised $6.09 by his partners during a drinking session if he could down 30 sachets of the brew, a pungent spirit imported from neighbouring Zambia. "We are still investigating the issue because more than 10 people took part, but only Moses died," Isuto Mantage, a police commander from the southwestern region of Tanzania said today. Other police sources said Kanyange was "an experienced drinker", known to be able to drink 25 half-litre bottles of beer in less than two hours, but he had already consumed too much alcohol before taking the double punch bet.

I would've given the guy at least $7.00.  Trust me, we will serve no such rotgut here at the Speakeasy.  Only the highest quality beer, wine and spirits.  Hey, that homemade stuff can kill ya!

Five bucks for a real, honest-to-god ninja? Such a deal. I would've gladly paid twenty. C'mon people, someone out there must need a ninja for somethin', right? Ryou here could sneak up on some unsuspecting adversary and make 'em headless in no time at all. That's an honest day's work for an honest buck. Let's make it happen, Speakeasies!

Photos via UK Daily Mail

FOX NEWS - An attorney who specializes in drunken-driving offenses is suing a Florida strip club, claiming it got him so drunk he spent almost $19,000 on his credit card, Courthousenews.com reports. Mark S. Gold reportedly is suing the Gold Rush strip club in Miami-Dade County Court, saying he became "temporarily unconscious" during a drunken night at the club in November 2010 and racked up $18,930 in charges. The lawsuit alleged that "Gold Rush knowingly and continuously served plaintiff alcoholic beverages to the extent that he was rendered intoxicated, partially or temporarily unconscious, and further to the extent that he had a complete loss of judgment, rational thought, or ability to enter into lawful contracts or agreements," according to the website. The allegations reportedly say that the club "knowingly caused plaintiff's irrational state of mind, continued to ply him with liquor in order to charge his credit card excessive amounts to the extent of $18,930." The lawsuit, filed April 18, makes no mention of how much drinks or services the 56-year-old Gold may have bought, according to the U.K. Daily Mail. Gold is demanding that the club's owners, Turntable Entertainment and Production Company, refund him his money.

Do not, I repeat, do not, give this ambulance chaser his money back.  Talk about karma or irony or some shit like that.  This douche has been gettin' drunks off the hook forever and now he's on the hook himself.  It's time to pay up, counselor.  Hope you enjoyed gettin' screwed without gettin' screwed because now you're screwed.  Bang.  Done.  Send all the lawyers to the bottom of the ocean.  Pay attention!

PS - Love how the company he's suing is called "Turntable" because the table has been turned, no?

So I guess this chick is on "One Life To Live" and "Gossip Girl."  Probably not a big surprise to everyone that I haven't seen a minute of either one of these shows.  Doesn't matter.  My job is to find hot chicks in skimpy clothing and get 'em up here on the Speakeasy.  Mission accomplished, I'd say....

TRENTON, Ga. (WRCB-TV) - Just a stone's throw south of the square in downtown Trenton, Georgia lies a scene of utter devastation. One of Wednesday afternoon's tornados touched down near the intersection of Main and Lafayette and seemed to chew up and spit out everything in its path. Not a window was left un shattered in Moore Funeral Home and the south end of the building was reduced to rubble. Residents in the Auburn Apartments also took a beating. We met Lisa Rice as she surveyed the damage to her business. She had opened S&L Tans on Main Street just three weeks prior. She and her two daughters, aptly named Stormy and Sky, rode out the storm. They had ridden out a twister in Rising Fawn back in 1992 by crowding into a bath tub. Once again, Mom had a plan. "We was watching it through the window and started seeing stuff flying around and we had already made plans that if something happened, we were gonna get in the tanning bed." That is just what they did. The three of them took cover in one tanning bed and pulled down the lid while the building seemed to disintegrate around them. "I kept telling her, 'We're gonna die,'" said Sky. Rice explained, "well, we just laid there for a few minutes. I kept telling them just to be quiet, it's not over. And the wind kept blowing and then finally it calmed down and we got out and climbed out of the building." They could do that because the back brick wall had been swept away. Search and rescue operations continue through the night in Trenton, but these three escaped with their lives. And for that, they are thankful. "The whole time we were in there, we were just praising God," Rice said. "Just, 'Hold us and keep us tight.' And we're alive. There's a lot of people that's lost their homes here. We can rebuild if we want to or relocate, but there's a lot of people that lost their homes and their lives."

Get a tan, survive a twister. Brilliant! Talk about killing two birds with one stone. Just a great, improvised play like Michael Vick scrambling out of the pocket. No panic, just stone cold execution.  These chicks can play on my team any day. Quick thinking under pressure. Clutch. WINNING!

I hereby declare "Thong Thursday" a national holiday.  The flag is at full mast.

I don't wanna be a dick here, but how the fuck did this chick ever become Miss USA? As an American I'm truly offended that someone of this caliber gets to represent me. Ugly as shit. Now I realize she's travelling, not dressed up, not wearin' a lot of makeup, but c'mon - she's supposed to be reppin' the Red, White and Blue for chrissakes! I guess she's a little more Miss TSA than Miss USA.

On the other hand, I completely believe her. Just too much shit comin' down these days about all the asswipe shit that the TSA is pullin'. Pay attention! (And don't be lettin' any $6.50-an-hour slapdick touch yer privates!)

Man Accused by Bradford County Sheriff's Office of Filming Naked Tanning Customers in Starke Tanning Salon

FIRST COAST NEWS - Police said possibly hundreds of women may have been victimized by a Starke man arrested for filming unknowing customers who came to tan naked in his tanning salon. Doyce Dean Griffis, 47, of Starke, is being held at the Bradford County Jail without bond on charges of making, printing or publishing computer pornography and voyeurism. Two women notified the Bradford County Sheriff's Office Tuesday about a private sun tanning business videotaping customers without their knowledge, the agency said in a statement. According to BCSO, some of the victims may have been as young as 13, and that it likely will take months to complete the probe. The woman who noticed the camera and reported Griffis said she "felt molested." Griffis said Wednesday from jail that he felt he had done nothing wrong because he kept the tapes private. He also said since the women were "beautiful," he did not know why they would mind being taped. The tanning business, operating since 2000, was in a barn at the suspect's home in the 2200 block of Southeast 128th Street in Starke. According to a statement from BCSO, the suspect confessed to filming customers who undressed before tanning. A two-way mirror, laptop computer, four containers of VHS tapes, 30 8 mm cassettes, 41 DVDs and two memory cards were seized as evidence. Detectives are trying to determine who the people are in the tapes.

Everybody's got an excuse. I'm so sick of every fucking person alive makin' excuses for everything they do that I'm gonna puke for a day and a half. Just once I'd like to see some dude like this sit there and say "Hey, I wanted to see naked chicks. I'm kinda ugly so I don't get many chances. The tanning bed was a chance for me to see shit that I would have no shot at otherwise. Sucks that I got caught, but I had a few good years." Wouldn't that be refreshing? It might even restore your faith in humanity. Problem is, it ain't happening any time soon.  Fuck off, Doyce.  Hope you enjoy gettin' your salad tossed.

I'm gonna give this a 9 on the Spaz-O-Meter. I mean your friend (who has a touch of athletic ability) just showed you what to do and you failed like a dog. C'mon brah, are we gonna have to put a leash on you? If not that, let me lay a little Bahtendah wisdom on ya - never leave the house without a cup on. Ever. Pay attention!

Mad props for this security guard. It's pretty clear he took some meaningful shots to the dome but he stood his ground and turned back this Jesse James wannabe. I remember reading about those old Pinkerton security guards in the Wild West. Supposedly they were as mean and tough and bad-ass as it gets. Well, my friend, I hereby nominate you as an honorary Pinkerton. Well played, my man.

This story is a couple of days old, but I just got wind of the video footage. Pretty nonchalant for someone whippin' out the Johnson in a store. The question is, Does he get off wizzin' in public or does he have something against cough drops specifically? Different strokes for different folks, although I can't imagine bein' harmed by a throat lozenge. So many questions, so little time....

ENGLAND - Royal wedding fever has taken hold of everyone on both sides of the pond – but perhaps none moreso than a plumber from England named Barmy Baz Franks. Barmy recently spent £1,000 and six hours in a dentist’s chair getting Prince William and Kate Middleton’s faces tattooed on his teeth! Crafted by Dr Neil Gerrard, of the Clifton Dental Studio in Bristol, the images were painted on by hand using ultra-fine brushes and stencils. The ‘gnasher tats’ (oh you wacky Brits) will last about three months depending on how thoroughly Barmy brushes. ”I love the Royal Family and this was my way of lending my support to their Big Day.” says Franks. How sweet.

This dude is the single biggest dickwad I've seen in a long time. Are you serious? Doesn't he realize this is the most over-hyped event in the history of over-hyped events? Here's the plan:  I run into him in a bar, knock out his two front teeth, scoop them up as souvenirs and sell them back to him for twice what he paid for the tattoos. Bang. Done. Pay attention!

RGJ.COM - A 34-year-old Reed High School special education teacher remained jailed Monday on charges she had sex with two 17-year-old students, in acts that allegedly occurred in her personal vehicle. Friday’s arrest of teacher Bethyl “Beth” Shepherd was the second recent sexual misconduct-related arrest of a special education Reed High School employee. Last month, Reed special education teacher’s aide Marie L. Fisher was arrested on felony charges related to having a sexual relationship with a 15-year-old student with whom she also allegedly sent graphic text message photos, according to court documents. An arraignment date has not yet been scheduled in the case. Shepherd, who has been on administrative leave since school police received information on the incident, faces felony counts of sexual conduct between a school employee and a pupil. Bail was set at $4,000. According to a probable cause affidavit filed in Sparks Justice Court, school police detectives learned through an unidentified source that Shepherd, employed with the district since August 2001, allegedly was involved in a sexual relationship with a 17-year-old student on April 7. Investigators accused her in the court filing of having sex with two 17-year-olds in her personal vehicle, away from school grounds. She told investigators that one student forced her to engage in sexual activities while she denied any contact with the other. Washoe County schools police Chief Mike Mieras said, “Well, there are two sides to a story,” but after interviews with other sources, he added, enough information had been gathered to suggest probable cause. “What her allegations are at this time are not quite matching up to the accounts of what was reported to us,” Mieras said. It was not immediately known Monday afternoon if Shepherd had hired an attorney. A contact phone number Shepherd gave officers went unanswered and did not allow voice mail. Mieras said school district area superintendent Lynn Rauh, who oversees Reed, is going to meet with Principal Mary Vesco and do some training with the staff on appropriate behavior and personal relationships with students...

I gotta admit, the "Special Needs" part of this story threw me completely for a loop. Usually when 17-year-olds have sex with their teachers I'm just jealous. But this is a little different. This might be the first time I'm actually in favor of prosecuting the female teacher. Beth here also looks a little goofy to me. I say put her in stir and let her learn how to be a lesbian.

Right on, brah. Fuckin' buy 'em. The Girl Scouts couldn't produce a better commercial if they tried. What's a better endorsement for cookies than a fat kid? Answer: There isn't one. Bang. Done. Pay attention!

Rage Machine Books anthology SWORDS OF FIRE will soon be available at Amazon.com! Look for it!

I've been here and there. I've drawn a lot of pictures. I've written a bit, too. I'm not good at this self-promotion thing. Look, you want to know about me? just visit these websites. Okay?
www.mdjacksonart.weebly.com
http://mdjackson.deviantart.com
http://community.imaginefx.com/fxpose/mdjacksons%5Fportfolio

Go home, you floppin' vaginas! No team in NHL history has ever won a 7-game series without scoring a power play goal. Until now. Maybe this is an indicator of something special happening in Boston this year. Bring on the Flyers and redemption!

I just don't like it.

I'm votin' pussy and I know I'm right. Hey, it's easy to give a judge a whole sackload of shit once you've been arrested and you're in court with your hands locked behind your back. Matter of fact, I say it's about a week before Mr. Bad-Ass here is tossin' the salad of his 320 pound cellmate. Not impressed, fatso. You got no game. You're so far from a playa you couldn't see it with binoculars. Pay attention!

Okay, quick little "Hooked On Phonics" lesson here.  The correct way to pronounce his name is "Poo Holes."  The prosecution rests.  The only other contender would be the old-time pitcher named Dick Pole....Pay attention!   ;-)

Before you all email me, I know this video is old. I'm only posting it because it hits home right now. A couple of weeks ago I attended a "motivational" meeting with a company in my area. It was without a doubt the biggest fuckin' joke I have ever seen. They had an old ex-NFL player speak to everyone about perseverance, winning, etc. Well, it just so happens that I know this guy and he's the biggest prick on planet earth. Total skirt chaser (yup, he's married), never met a line of coke he didn't like, and an alcoholic like you read about. His big act is to let chicks wear his Super Bowl ring and see if that gets him laid. Just totally reminded me of this dick on the video. Had to do it. Thanks for watchin'.

Check out how the bikini kinda matches her eyes.  That's "box of tissues" kind of stuff right there.

This is the money shot, right here.  It's not a bikini, but it's enough to make the little soldier stand up and salute.  God save the Queen!  Ridonkulous!

Boob-tastic - that's all I can say...

I would pay Arab-Sheik-money to shag the farts outta this for just one night.  I'm pretty sure I got a shot.  Maybe.  Well, I can freakin' dream, can't I?