Miorry Nobitto

Dumb as a bag of hammers. Although I'll give our little heistmaster credit for persistence, that's about all he gets credit for. First of all, he saw the women taking away all the money, right? And second, the key to a smash and grab is quickness. This dude was slower than a turtle on ludes. He looks more like a sculptor than a crook.  Your execution sucks, pal. Speed, my ninja friend, speed.

Dumb as a bag of hammers. Although I'll give our little heistmaster credit for persistence, that's about all he gets credit for. First of all, he saw the women taking away all the money, right? And second, the key to a smash and grab is quickness. This dude was slower than a turtle on ludes. He looks more like a sculptor than a crook.  Your execution sucks, pal. Speed, my ninja friend, speed.

Waldo Soroa, 19 (left), Jose David Diaz Marrero, 19 (center), and Matrix Andaluz, 18 (right) faces multiple charges stemming from a burglary investigation in Marion County.

MyFoxDFW
Cremains mistaken for drugs
Suspected burglars mistake ashes for cocaine
SILVER SPRINGS, Fla. (WOFL FOX 35) - Marion County Sheriff's deputies on Tuesday arrested five burglary suspects stemming from an investigation which began last month. The victim in the burglary said she returned to her home on Locust Lane in the Silver Springs Shores to discover that several items were missing. Some of the items included electronics and jewelry, but what she found most troubling, was the theft of her late father's ashes and the ashes of her two Great Danes. During the investigation, detectives learned that the ashes were taken because the suspects mistook the cremains for either cocaine or heroin. It was soon discovered that the suspects snorted some of the ashes believing they were snorting cocaine. According to detectives, the suspects realized they had the remains from the dogs and the victim's father, so the suspects got rid of the ashes. Detectives are presently working with the Marion County Sheriff's Office Dive Team to locate the ashes...

Waldo Soroa, 19 (left), Jose David Diaz Marrero, 19 (center), and Matrix Andaluz, 18 (right) faces multiple charges stemming from a burglary investigation in Marion County.

MyFoxDFW
Cremains mistaken for drugs
Suspected burglars mistake ashes for cocaine
SILVER SPRINGS, Fla. (WOFL FOX 35) - Marion County Sheriff's deputies on Tuesday arrested five burglary suspects stemming from an investigation which began last month. The victim in the burglary said she returned to her home on Locust Lane in the Silver Springs Shores to discover that several items were missing. Some of the items included electronics and jewelry, but what she found most troubling, was the theft of her late father's ashes and the ashes of her two Great Danes. During the investigation, detectives learned that the ashes were taken because the suspects mistook the cremains for either cocaine or heroin. It was soon discovered that the suspects snorted some of the ashes believing they were snorting cocaine. According to detectives, the suspects realized they had the remains from the dogs and the victim's father, so the suspects got rid of the ashes. Detectives are presently working with the Marion County Sheriff's Office Dive Team to locate the ashes...

OrlandoSentinel
Officials: Flagler deputy swiped seized cash, swapped with paper towels

A Flagler County Sheriff's deputy was arrested Wednesday, accused of stealing thousands of dollars seized in criminal investigations and replacing the money with paper towels. Sheriff's officials said Matthew Koenig, 40, was arrested about 3 p.m. Wednesday after a three-month investigation into funds missing from the Sheriff's Office's evidence room. Officials said the investigation determined that Koenig, an evidence technician, had removed and replaced $4,847 in seized funds. The theft was discovered, officials said, when another technician retrieved an envelope from the evidence room and discovered the money was missing. The Sheriff's Office said an internal audit was conducted, and the Florida Department of Law Enforcement was asked to assist with an audit and a forensic investigation. Officials said DNA evidence found on the envelopes and the paper towels inside was used to link Koenig to the theft. Investigators also reported finding "unexplained deposits" into Koenig's personal accounts in 2009 and 2010. According to a statement released later Wednesday, Koenig had been with the Sheriff's Office since 1998, and has been placed on administrative leave. He was booked into the Flagler County Inmate Facility. Records show he was released later Wednesday after posting bail. A woman who answered the phone at his home said he wasn't there. He had not returned a call seeking comment late Wednesday evening.

OrlandoSentinel
Officials: Flagler deputy swiped seized cash, swapped with paper towels

A Flagler County Sheriff's deputy was arrested Wednesday, accused of stealing thousands of dollars seized in criminal investigations and replacing the money with paper towels. Sheriff's officials said Matthew Koenig, 40, was arrested about 3 p.m. Wednesday after a three-month investigation into funds missing from the Sheriff's Office's evidence room. Officials said the investigation determined that Koenig, an evidence technician, had removed and replaced $4,847 in seized funds. The theft was discovered, officials said, when another technician retrieved an envelope from the evidence room and discovered the money was missing. The Sheriff's Office said an internal audit was conducted, and the Florida Department of Law Enforcement was asked to assist with an audit and a forensic investigation. Officials said DNA evidence found on the envelopes and the paper towels inside was used to link Koenig to the theft. Investigators also reported finding "unexplained deposits" into Koenig's personal accounts in 2009 and 2010. According to a statement released later Wednesday, Koenig had been with the Sheriff's Office since 1998, and has been placed on administrative leave. He was booked into the Flagler County Inmate Facility. Records show he was released later Wednesday after posting bail. A woman who answered the phone at his home said he wasn't there. He had not returned a call seeking comment late Wednesday evening.